The Prez: What’s the news Banner; have the freedom carcass caved yet?
Stevie: No Mr President, they’re going home for Easter…what do you want first, the bad news or the shit news?
The Prez: Only the bad news, give the shit news to Pence, that’s his job
Stevie: It’s all shit news Mr President. I was being ironic
The Prez: Quit with the funny Banner; I do the funny...Tootsie, get Pence in here now and send Britney in with some more meatloaf… Mike come in and stand next to my desk looking subordinate whilst I sign this autograph…OK, now sit down and listen bigly: Banner has some shit news for you…get on with it Steve, you’ve got three minutes before treats and tweets…
Stevie: The travel ban has been overturned by a part-time parking attendant in Hawaii, repeal and replace is dead, the budget ceiling is about to be breached, there’s no money for tax cuts, we’ve still got more vacancies than a Chicago shopping mall, McCain says that announcing that we’re not going after Assad is un-American, and someone has used nerve gas on civilians in Syria - probably one of the groups the CIA have been funding…those bastards are still trying to stop you talking to Putin…I’ve got some pictures, it’s pretty gruesome…
Mikey: No need for that Stevie, if I can just say Mr Pres…
The Prez: Shut it Mike, I’m in charge here, what do you mean McCain says I’m un-American, who does that bandy-legged old coot think he is anyway?
Stevie: He’s a war hero Mr President
The Prez: I’m the war hero Banner; the next time there’s a war, I’ll show McCain who the REAL hero is, big league. Pence, don’t just sit there like a dummy, what have you got to say, find me a war…I need something to blow up…
Mikey: Well Mr President, we can’t decapitate the Pillsbury Dough Boy in Pyongyang until we’ve threatened the Chinese at the weekend, and now that Assad is off the table we have to speak to Putin before we blow up anything in Syria, but we can’t speak to him because McCain will say you’re his puppet…
The Prez: That’s not what I want to hear Mikey boy, find me solutions not problems…do you mean to tell me that I’ve got this whole building working for me and not one asshole can think of anything to make me look good…
Mikey: Well if we may speak candidly Mr President, the CIA have hinted that it might still be possible for us to ‘reframe’ our middle-east policy…I can pretty much guarantee that taking a hard line with Russia would screw your critics on the left and the right…even CNN would have to play nice…
The Prez: Banner, show me those pictures…