In an exclusive interview with Private Ear, President Trump’s hairstylist has revealed that the President’s policy agenda is coded into his hair. Under conditions of anonymity he told the Ear:
“The growth at the back is desperately trying to get to the front. The fluff at the front is puffed up to make it look more substantial than it is. The stuff on the right moves to the left and the stuff on the left moves to the right to hide the fact that there is nothing in the middle”
“It’s all coated with grease to hold it in place but a good gust of wind could blow it apart, revealing the barren nature of what lies underneath”
A long time confidante of the Donald, his ex-stylist has lost faith in the President’s sincerity following his recent policy reversals, and intends to leave the country. A fan of the left in general and Tony Blair in particular, he has bought an airline ticket to Venezuela. When the Ear asked him about that, he replied “things can only get better in Venezuela”